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Of Seeds and Sowers
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What people say:
I look forward to every issue. . . . C.W.
I enjoy your paper as much as I enjoy Thoreau or Emerson. Keep up the good work ! . . . E.H.
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Of Seeds and Sowers - The Newsletter
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| Words of Power |
Volume 2 No 1 - February 2003
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The Tool Shed
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This Year's Special TeleLearning Options:
Group mediator coaching and
Private coaching with Barbara Ashley Phillips
New Training Options:
Bringing Your Heart to Your Work - Workshop Revised dates:
- Calgary, Alberta Friday, March 28 (evening) and Saturday, March 29, 2003 (day)
- Edmonton, Alberta Tuesday, April 15, 3 PM to 10 PM; Wednesday, April 16, 2003, 6:30 PM to 10 PM
Reflective Practice in Conflict Resolution -- Advanced Workshop, Edmonton, February 27 and 28, 2003.
Our Africa connection: Marg Huber's conflict resolution work in South Sudan
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WORDS OF POWER
What is it that gives words power?
When you say, "no," do you find yourself repeating it again and again, knowing inside of its weakness?
When someone has said "no" to you, how have you received it? You discover much about the base for words by letting them work inside of you. If you recall a time when you've been told, "no," you may find that you were quite aware of the meta-communication. "No" can mean many things, such as
- not the way I feel right now
- not the way I see it
- this is me, blocking you
- ask me again, nicer
- I'm saying 'no,' but I really don't have my heart in it
- what you propose is frightening
- I'm uncomfortable with the way things are going
It can also mean, simply, "no." When you receive a "no" that means only "no" and not a host of other things, you know exactly what it means and it spurs you to action - to respect or to move against. Such an expression unmasks the game playing and discourages its continuation. To have such power, the word must come from somewhere inside where there is stillness.
Without stillness within, our words are often expressed to satisfy a personal want or need. When there is an unstated purpose to the expression -- to look good or to be seen in a certain way, for example - the momentum of that, communicates.
In our culture, much of what passes for relationship is a mutual seeking to satisfy personal needs that by their nature cannot be satisfied. Each seeks to use the other and each consents to being used, in exchange for getting some of their own needs met. Yet everyone knows what is going on: using and being used are demeaning and do not feel good. This is momentum that signals the absence of stillness and it communicates itself clearly.
Stillness within, is evident to others. The heart-engaged, reflective peacemaker comes from that stillness within, that brings stillness without. Just as one's irritation and impatience affect others, so does one's stillness. In stillness, there is freedom from personal agendas. When these are gone, others are no longer seen as being of use. When we are no longer seen as objects that may prove useful, we notice it. And, we respond to it from love, rather than reacting, from fear.
When stillness moves, without momentum, we communicate, through our expression, profound equality. Such equality carries respect that evokes in others self-respect and attention to deeper values. By seeing more of the whole of another, the other is able to connect with more of their whole as well. This raises others, with no effort on one's own part, to a higher, values-oriented level of functioning and this leads to better decision-making. [Elements of this are discussed in The Mediation Field Guide, (Barbara Ashley Phillips, 2001), chapters 2 and 4 particularly.] All of this happens by virtue of your manner of being, rather than something you do.
In stillness, a thought comes. You notice, did it come from stillness? If not, you wait before speaking. It is like unripe fruit, which stillness within may test, validate and shape. Then what is spoken is like ripe fruit, at the peak of flavor, gentleness and kindness. What is communicated has substance and often has profound effects. It is as if what is really you, is within the expression.
Stillness is the source of words of power. Words of power then,
- Come from a still place inside
- Say exactly what is meant, with kindness
- Serve no personal agendas and carry no needs seeking satisfaction through another
- Have a quality of ripeness
There is an authenticity to words of power that reverberates. Inside, each recognizes the truth being expressed, even if not at a conscious level. It is freeing to recognize that you are not responsible for how what you say will be received. It is only your responsibility to express yourself with the deepest integrity of which you are presently capable. The more you do it, the more clear and powerful your words become. And with such practice, your ability to speak words of power, grows.
For related topics, see NAICR's teleclasses and training programs.
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Composting
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HUMOR
What people actually said:
"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.
"The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe."
Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia
"Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway."
Othal Brand, member of a Texas pesticide review board, on chlordane
INSPIRATION
Now, I say to you today my friends, even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream. I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: - 'We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.'
Martin Luther King
Truth is always exciting. Speak it, then. Life is dull without it.
Pearl Buck (1892 - 1973)
The only master I accept in this world is the still voice within.
Mahatma Gandhi (1869 - 1948)
Like our work? Pass this newsletter on to a friend.
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