North American Institute for Conflict Resolution

When a drop falls into the ocean, it becomes - ocean. Yet without those drops, what would the ocean be? A salt lake, perhaps, not the vital, life-giving presence that it is. When the drop loses itself, it becomes part of something very much bigger. And it can only do that by losing itself.

So it is with us. Here's a place for sharing reflections and experiences when you experienced a deeper part of yourself and of others.

Evil :

If only it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil custs through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a part of his own heart?
Alexander Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago

Life :

The Experience of Life

This story is told by a participant in a Family Constellation Therapy workshop conducted by students and colleagues of Bert Hellinger, the legendary German psychiatrist whose work in this area is creating grand controversy within the therapeutic community. Hellinger's books include Love's Hidden Symmetry and Love's Own Truths. For more information on this remarkable work, visit www.hellinger.com.

"A man set up his constellation because of his suicidal feelings. He chose representatives for Life, Death, and himself. I was chosen to represent life. I was placed facing Death, and there was a strong bond between us. As I became more involved, I noticed that I, as Life, was much stronger than Death. I thought, I am here now and always; I am a force, a stream forever flowing. I am a dance and the music. I am to be enjoyed. I am a celebration.
I felt compassion for the living and for the dead, but in a very impersonal and detached way. The man who had set up the constellation was clutching my hand whilst looking at death. I could understand what he was doing, because I could see that Life to him meant his life, as if he were clinging to his life. But from where I was standing, this was totally unnecessary, since Life is much bigger than that. Everything serves Life, and so does Death.
As I was representing Life, I could only invite him to say "yes" to Life, and to his life, for as long as it lasted. I was not trying to win him over, as there was not that kind of involvement or care on my part. But I felt irresistible. Join the party. Which of course - in the constellation - he did.
This experience of Life stayed with me for some hours until it slowly started to fade away. Now it is only a memory. Did I learn anything helpful for my own life? No idea. I am [only] sure I tuned into something beyond the personal that day."

Here is living proof. It began with Johnathan Swift, quoted in NAICR's June '02 newsletter, inspiring Carol Knapp at MIRC, to give to their audience and to NAICR and now to you. Giving and receiving become one.

A holistic, integrated approach embodies the essence of the sacred feminine. This missing element in our system of justice and civil process is elaborated on by writer and mystic Andrew Harvey (Harvey and Matousek, 1994). Harvey and Matousek explore what balance and wholeness mean as they delineate three powers of the sacred archetypal feminine: (1) knowledge of the interrelationship of all life, (2) the law of rhythm, and (3) the love of the dance. It shows the lightness and relatedness inherent in the deep feminine.

The law of the interrelationship of all life inspires "respect . . . gratitude, and natural compassion for all . . . life" (Harvey and Matousek, 1994, p. 61). With this knowledge, we diminish the power of appeals to fear based on they and them. For example, what they think about something or what they might do becomes less important when we see those others in ourselves. Fear-mongers play on our sense of separateness and isolation to whip us into conformity, cruelty, and mob behavior. If we do not feel separate, we deprive the fear-mongers of the raw material they need to do this.

The law of rhythm is "the knowledge that the universe has its own laws and harmonies that are already whole" and we must "intuit, revere and follow them" (Harvey and Matousek, 1994, pp. 61-62). This power recognizes that "to everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven" (Ecclesiastes 3:1). There is a time to catch the flame of interest in resolving with negotiation, but it is not all the time or any time. Knowing that there are tides and seasons in human relationships and human affairs, as there are in nature, and that they are beyond our control, our greatest success will come from patiently going with them rather than struggling against them.

The love of the dance, in which "life itself, in all its paradoxes, is seen as completely sacred," allows an appreciation of the intricate web of human affairs and human interactions. It allows life to be appreciated in all its "ordeals and wonders" (Harvey and Matousek, 1994, p. 62). This power allows us to accept the fact that others do things that make no sense to us- for good and sufficient reasons that just are not apparent to us at the time. We no longer reject what we do not understand, demanding that it be served up our way before we take cognizance of it.

Partly excerpted from The Mediation Field Guide, © Jossey Bass 2001
© Barbara Ashley Phillips 2002

This could be a good time! There is a river flowing now very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid. They will try to hold on to the shore. They will feel they are being torn apart and will suffer greatly. Know the river has its destination. The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open, and our heads above the water.

And I say, see who is in there with you and celebrate. At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally, least of all ourselves. For the moment that we do, our spiritual growth and journey come to a halt.

The time of the one wolf is over. Gather yourselves! Banish the word 'struggle' from your attitude and your vocabulary. All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration.